In spite of the best intentions it has been a while since posting. For once not due to procrastination or overcommitting but rather because of THE COUGH. It began innocently enough as a little tickle and an ahem ; then rather quickly it became overwhelming and all consuming. Up came those scarey asthmatic moments when one realises how much we take breathing for granted.
When things begin to tighten up the intial reaction is to tense up, resist- which only makes it worse. In a full blown asthma attack the brain doesn’t function coherently or logically. It takes effort to go into calm and relax, set up a rythmn and not go into the panic mode of fear.
So this cough has lingered since before Christmas and brought to the forefront focus entirely on self and survival. One’s age and mortality loom large as does the unfinished agenda. All the love that needs to be expressed to family, the stash just waiting to become and the overwhelming urge to create and share beauty, and of course the desire to get back to “normal”.
The cough intensifies as anxiety sets in. Relax , meditate, breathe, breathe deep, breathe slow, breathe peace. Another disrupted day and night pass, and another. Days have turned to months. I have learned to stop, to be still, to be in the moment, to just be. The greatest gift the cough has offered is to make me grateful for every minute, for everyone who has come into my life and for every breath that passes easily. It has challenged me to trust and to allow others to help.
Cannot say that I like the cough or would want to go through this lesson again but I do appreciate the lesson. There have been many times over the last three months when I feel “aah, the lesson is done ” but still the cough comes. The lesson seems to be still ongoing and I know that it requires change and courage. However, physically the cough has weakened me and compromised my immune system. Its relentless hacking has sapped away my strength but not my spirit. Today the best incentive to overcome as theAutumn Southern Seasonal Exchange has been announced. Joyously I have signed up and joyously over the next few weeks I will call on my muse to help me create and bid the cough farewell.